2005-06-09

Today, I cried in public.

That's not something I usually do. I was pushed beyond a certain limit, viciously and maliciously, by the "coach" of our class. Yesterday, we were to have a review of the entire course in preperation for today's test. This is a course, remember, on ethics and morals. Coach started off by saying that the test would consist of a number of questions, and to pass with the lowest of three possible grades one would have to get 50% of all the possible points. The highest grade would be based on the memorization of dates and other trivia. Needless to say, I got angry, because this was one day before the test and there hadn't been a single mention of dates, etc. But I sat there anyway for a bit, trying to calm down. When I really couldn't concentrate because of the rising sense of total frustration and impotense, I left the room and called home. On the way out of the building I realized we'd gotten a grade criteria for the course on the first day. I checked, and there wasn't a word about anything above or beyond mastering ethical problem solving, being familiar with terms, and being able to elaborate on the theory of ethics. Piece of cake. (This is a long story, but the background is necessary.) Well, hot tempered and self-righteous as I am, I burst back into the room and slammed my notebook with the criteria down in front of coach, interupting his coaching. I said that they couldn't change the criteria, and that since our entire grade is based on one test, that they had no right to demand irrelevant facts in order to get the highest grade, without having prepared us for it. He said to talk to the teacher. I said we didn't have the same teacher for the test as for the course, and that I didn't even know who it would be. He said that I was wasting his and everybody's time. I said I was really angry, although not at him. He said something vaguely considerate, and I left.

Today, after hours of underlining and innane memorization, I went to take the test. I was sitting, giving the book a final perusal, when coach towered over me in a menacing manner, and said that I had better not act like that today during the test. I have no intention of doing so, says I. You had no right to act like that with me, says he, with a glare and great gnashing of teeth. I didn't do anything wrong, says I, and the others have a right to know when they're being screwed over. Nobody does that to me, says he. You better not do anything like that today. I repeat myself, and tell him that I would never ruin the test for the others. Yesterday, I didn't ruin anything. He says how awful I am. I say how awful he is, actually, since he should have seen the disparity himself and pointed it out to the teacher(s). I say that it is unfair to base a grade on something that was not emphasized in a course. He says that that is my OPINION. I say, it's not an opinion, it's a fact. I say, that I've been nice to him the entire course, and not pointed out in front of the others when he has been stupid and wrong. I say, that he compromised a person's reputation (which is ethically dispicable and possibly illegal) in front of the class, but that I didn't point it out although the person he talked about is someone I work for (which he didn't know when he started to tell his antecdote)and I could easily have held him responsible for his slander. He says, of course, that he didn't do anything wrong, but he is obviously shaken. He attacks me once more for what I did yesterday, to which I reply that I won't do anything today, and that I'm not going to let his shit ruin the test for me. I walk away, happy to have kept my temper since I need to concentrate. He follows, and, in front of a good number of classmates, says that the whole class is worried that I will ruin the test for them, and that they all talked about it after I left yesterday. Purely vicious, since I'd already said three or four times that I had no intention, etc.,etc. I tried to combat his viciousness, and he twisted the situation around so that he could say I was already ruining things for all the people listening to me. I said that he had forced me to be upset, which I hadn't been until he'd said that about the others talking about me. He made scornful, pitying faces at me as if I were a psychological wreck. Others in the group started to defend him, not realizing that I'd already said I was a disarmed missile for the duration of the test. That's when I started to cry. Not freely, but obviously. I said to hell with the test, and the course, and turned to leave, but a co-worker followed me and listened to what had happened, and said that actually, they'd mainly felt sorry for me yesterday, and had been more concerned than angry. I managed to swallow my tears, and save them up to be able to write this. I took the test, which is another story. And now I want sympathy, in barrels.

13 Comments:

Blogger Joe said...

Seems like exactly the wrong type of person to coach a class on ethics and morals. In contrast to Steve's generous classification of him as a "victim" type, I'd say he sounds more like a self-righteous jerk, drunk on the perceived power of coaching a class. I'm really sorry to hear about the way he treated you. If you'd like, I'll fly over there, beat him senseless, and then come back to NYC and wait to be extridited. It's not moral or ethical, but it might make you feel better.

On a completely random side note, I just realized that if I stare at your blog long enough (which I did - dumbfounded by your story about the insensitivity of your coach)the words continue to float in front of my eyes. It's like carrying around a little bit of Jeanne throughout the day -- a thought which makes me smile.

3:17 PM, June 10, 2005  
Blogger Jeanne said...

Now I feel better.

9:05 PM, June 10, 2005  
Blogger Greg Garvin said...

I'm forever impressed with the loyalty of the bloggers that are drawn to you. This is a comment about you. No surprise here!

Cheers!

P.S. Festinog is right on the mark.

4:36 AM, June 13, 2005  
Blogger Jeanne said...

I pester them so much that they have no choice.

Actually, I think the situation spoke for itself.

8:54 AM, June 13, 2005  
Blogger Joe said...

Once again you're forcing us to go days without a new post. I'm starting to think you have a life or something. If so, can you tell me where I can find one?

12:29 AM, June 16, 2005  
Blogger Greg Garvin said...

Do you not understand how your musings and reflections are source to our humble and pitiful existance??

Please, please post.

2:48 AM, June 19, 2005  
Blogger Joe said...

Ok, that settles it. I'm coming over to Sweden to track you down.

P.S. Why must everything always come back to your undying love for jam, Festinog?

3:18 PM, June 22, 2005  
Blogger Jeanne said...

I do not have a life. I borrowed someone else's for a week, but I'm back.

1:47 PM, June 23, 2005  
Blogger Jeanne said...

I wouldn't want one, either. Predictable things, that weigh too much. Count your blessings, if no one's saddled you with one.

1:48 PM, June 23, 2005  
Blogger Jeanne said...

You know, I was only on vacation. I'm sure I locked the door, and checked the windows. It is still my blog, it is it is it is.

3:12 PM, June 23, 2005  
Blogger brendar said...

Jeanne,
Your coach blows, plain and simple. His conception was a waste of human effort. Sometimes we meet people in life who's parents just should have stopped at heavy petting.

Jam is the best.

7:31 PM, June 23, 2005  
Blogger Jeanne said...

Ah, but was it a waste of "divine" effort?

Shame, shame.

And Marmelade is better, if bitter.

5:01 PM, June 24, 2005  
Blogger Jeanne said...

But thank you for the commiseration.

5:02 PM, June 24, 2005  

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