Red Alert!

We are entering a new dark age. Any and all published material of cultural or intellectual value will soon become unavailable. Libraries will be popularized. Museums will be without funds, and forced to close. Schools will be reduced to training areas for minimum survival. Intellectuals will be ostracized, apart from the few gathered in political monastaries and educated for specialized tasks.

Find a safe retreat, ensconce yourself with whatever remnants of human enlightenment you posess or can still scavange. Buy a hooded cloak, for they will know us by our eyes. Design symbols by which to recognize one another.

Time is short.



May the bad intentions of others evaporate into the fresh air of a pure morning, and may all that loves them protect them from their own idiocy.


Now you see it, now you don't.

I'm very indecisive lately.

Happy Birthday, Heidi Holzer, if by some random twist of fate you should stumble upon this page. Any one else have a birthday today?


Today, I cried in public.

That's not something I usually do. I was pushed beyond a certain limit, viciously and maliciously, by the "coach" of our class. Yesterday, we were to have a review of the entire course in preperation for today's test. This is a course, remember, on ethics and morals. Coach started off by saying that the test would consist of a number of questions, and to pass with the lowest of three possible grades one would have to get 50% of all the possible points. The highest grade would be based on the memorization of dates and other trivia. Needless to say, I got angry, because this was one day before the test and there hadn't been a single mention of dates, etc. But I sat there anyway for a bit, trying to calm down. When I really couldn't concentrate because of the rising sense of total frustration and impotense, I left the room and called home. On the way out of the building I realized we'd gotten a grade criteria for the course on the first day. I checked, and there wasn't a word about anything above or beyond mastering ethical problem solving, being familiar with terms, and being able to elaborate on the theory of ethics. Piece of cake. (This is a long story, but the background is necessary.) Well, hot tempered and self-righteous as I am, I burst back into the room and slammed my notebook with the criteria down in front of coach, interupting his coaching. I said that they couldn't change the criteria, and that since our entire grade is based on one test, that they had no right to demand irrelevant facts in order to get the highest grade, without having prepared us for it. He said to talk to the teacher. I said we didn't have the same teacher for the test as for the course, and that I didn't even know who it would be. He said that I was wasting his and everybody's time. I said I was really angry, although not at him. He said something vaguely considerate, and I left.

Today, after hours of underlining and innane memorization, I went to take the test. I was sitting, giving the book a final perusal, when coach towered over me in a menacing manner, and said that I had better not act like that today during the test. I have no intention of doing so, says I. You had no right to act like that with me, says he, with a glare and great gnashing of teeth. I didn't do anything wrong, says I, and the others have a right to know when they're being screwed over. Nobody does that to me, says he. You better not do anything like that today. I repeat myself, and tell him that I would never ruin the test for the others. Yesterday, I didn't ruin anything. He says how awful I am. I say how awful he is, actually, since he should have seen the disparity himself and pointed it out to the teacher(s). I say that it is unfair to base a grade on something that was not emphasized in a course. He says that that is my OPINION. I say, it's not an opinion, it's a fact. I say, that I've been nice to him the entire course, and not pointed out in front of the others when he has been stupid and wrong. I say, that he compromised a person's reputation (which is ethically dispicable and possibly illegal) in front of the class, but that I didn't point it out although the person he talked about is someone I work for (which he didn't know when he started to tell his antecdote)and I could easily have held him responsible for his slander. He says, of course, that he didn't do anything wrong, but he is obviously shaken. He attacks me once more for what I did yesterday, to which I reply that I won't do anything today, and that I'm not going to let his shit ruin the test for me. I walk away, happy to have kept my temper since I need to concentrate. He follows, and, in front of a good number of classmates, says that the whole class is worried that I will ruin the test for them, and that they all talked about it after I left yesterday. Purely vicious, since I'd already said three or four times that I had no intention, etc.,etc. I tried to combat his viciousness, and he twisted the situation around so that he could say I was already ruining things for all the people listening to me. I said that he had forced me to be upset, which I hadn't been until he'd said that about the others talking about me. He made scornful, pitying faces at me as if I were a psychological wreck. Others in the group started to defend him, not realizing that I'd already said I was a disarmed missile for the duration of the test. That's when I started to cry. Not freely, but obviously. I said to hell with the test, and the course, and turned to leave, but a co-worker followed me and listened to what had happened, and said that actually, they'd mainly felt sorry for me yesterday, and had been more concerned than angry. I managed to swallow my tears, and save them up to be able to write this. I took the test, which is another story. And now I want sympathy, in barrels.